1. |
apple picking
01:26
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it's that time of year
take a train upstate
grab a few good friends
and a wooden crate
a burberry scarf
lookin fashion forward
snappin pics while you pick
in an apple orchard
apple picking
apple picking
you go
pick pick pick
pic pic pic
a-p-p-l-e-p-i-c, king
some apples are red
some apples are green
some apples are golden
but they're all pristine
that autumnal breeze
smell of hay and cattle
call me “Steve Jobs”
i love apple
apple picking
apple picking
you go
pick pick pick
pic pic pic
a-p-p-l-e-p-i-c, king
put em in a pie, put em in a cider
put em in a basket, watch em expire
put em in a sauce, put em in a tart
put em in a bowl, and paint you some art
put em in kombucha, a bread, a butter, bruschetta
caramelize or candy, crostini, doesn't get better
apple fritter, apple anything there's so many features
take one and give it to your favorite teacher
man I go nuts for the donuts with the cinnamon suge
pickin, gettin smitten by a nearby babbling brook
climbin ladders, nothing matters when you’re pickin with peers
so many apples i haven't seen a doctor in years
apple picking
apple picking
you go
pick pick pick
pic pic pic
a-p-p-l-e-p-i-c, king
post your pics on instagram
and facebook as well
but if your pics don’t get at least a hundred likes
i mean, you might as well kill yourself
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2. |
carving pumpkins
01:20
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adjacent to the orchard is a pumpkin patch
little kiddies getting giddy as they make their snatches
grab a sturdy stiff stem, whether small or large
take that orange globe home and get ready to carve
(what do I do?)
cut a circle up top
(then what?)
pull out the guts and the pumpkin slop
(and after that?)
cut a crooked mouth and triangle eyes
(what’s next?)
take a candle and then put it inside
we’re carving pumpkins
all across the states
yeah, we’re carving pumpkins
stab a fruit in the face
a pumkin in new york? this sounds like "Flavor of Love"
grab a bumpy chunky lumpy runt or all the above
put the newspaper down so it can catch all the muck
cuz we’re about to take a pumpkin and go full Nip Tuck
(what do I do?)
put the pump on the porch
(then what?)
throw in some corn and a couple of gourds
(after that?)
add a bale of hay to the spot
(what’s next?)
spend the season watchin everything rot
DEATH, DECAY, DECOMPOSITION
MOLDY MUY HORRIFIC
BETTER CALL A MORTICIAN
SPOOKY SCARY SEEPAGE
FROM ITS ANGULAR EYES
FROM A PUMPKIN TO NOTHING
REMEMBER EVERYTHING DIES
we’re carving pumpkins
ain't it the best
yeah, we’re carving pumpkins
jack o' lanterns look like they’re hooked on meth
your kids are only six
at the start of their life
so grab a big ol’ pumpkin and then
give 'em a knife
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3. |
enjoying sweater weather
01:41
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i can feel the breeze
it’s no longer in the seventies
i can feel the wind
blowing through these deadass leaves
when it’s not so hot
everything is better
you know what it is
it’s goddamn sweater weather
i’m talkin’ 58 degrees in mid-October
wearing tees with a hoodie pulled over
or a wool-knit sweater to hide my scrawny body
so cozy it’s a shame I look like Bill Cosby
i’ll take em striped like Waldo, and torn like Freddy
rock the mock like Velma, any way I’m ready
so the tanks and jorts I shall get to ditching
find my dad’s old stash and then get to itching
i can feel the breeze
it’s no longer in the seventies
i can feel the wind
blowing through these deadass leaves
when it’s not so hot
everything is better
you know what it is
it’s goddamn sweater weather
sweater weather’s better than every kind of weather
the air pressure is lesser, my pleasure’s too high to measure
forever thee I’ll treasure, and yes my sweater’s new
cuz I had a gift card to J.Crew (SPONSORED)
crew neck, turtleneck, or Mr. Rogers cardi
wear ‘em to the park or a fall-time party
perfect for relaxing next to fires de bon
and when we have sex, I keep the sweater on
cuz I’m insecure about my weird, lumpy torso
i have a weird, lumpy torso
and the sweater lets me hide it
and the sweater lets me hide it
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4. |
getting the flu
01:05
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i woke up sweating
drenched and feeling hot
now I’m regretting
not getting my shot
yeah, I’ve got chills
man, I’m going to puke
i have never seen
such a watery dook
influenza: such a beautiful word
influenza: how is there not a cure
influenza: fluids galore
influenza: my entrails on the floor
boss I am sorry
i’m calling in sick
cuz I’m shitting out blood
and coughing up shit
yes, I feel awful
but what do you know
i finally found time
to watch the Steve Harvey show
influenza: such a beautiful word
influenza: how is there not a cure
influenza: --
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5. |
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jumping in the leaves
everything is great
shout out to the trees
shout out to the rakes
sittin here is swell
listen to the birds
wait what is that smell
ahh I sat in a dog turd
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6. |
listening to fleet foxes
01:37
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fleet foxes, pump it into my veins
fleet foxes, mixing hope with pain
fleet foxes, harmonies so good
let’s drop everything and move into the woods
melancholy as fuck
elegiac as shit
bang a white winter hymnal
man it's fucking legit
bump a pastoral ballad
and just stare at the sky
i’m on that fleet fox radio
and ready to cry
fleet foxes, pump it into my veins
fleet foxes, mixing hope with pain
fleet foxes, harmonies so good
let’s drop everything and move into the woods
fleet foxes is what happens if a barn were a band
make me wanna quit my 9 to 5 and tend to the land
build a little log cabin and get rid of my phone
build a giant bonfire and just read all alone
rocking flannel every chance I get and growing a beard
wearing woolen overcoats from a sheep that I sheared
now I whittle for fun and write poems to cope
my wife is a maple tree, my bestie’s a goat
my son is a scarecrow and my mom is the sun
my dad is a river and my daughter’s a gun
gonna see to my crops and make peace with my god
oh you pick apples for fun? that shit is my job
so welcome to the mountain, it’s my humble abode
and if you throw on Bon Iver I’m gonna fuckin explode
fleet foxes, another beautiful chorus
fleet foxes, folk, men, forests
fleet foxes, allaying all my fears
up next a little Sufjan while I drink my tears
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7. |
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i walk into the corn maze
these things are the best
first I take a couple rights
then a couple of lefts
then I take a right
then I take a left
then a left, left, right
take a left then a right
then I take a couple of lefts
then it’s left, right, right, right
left, left, right, right
right, right, right, left, left then right
then a right, then a right
and then a right, and then a right
and then a right, and then a right
and then a right, and then a right
and then a right, and then left
uh oh, the sun is starting to set
so I jump up high after taking a right
and I scream for help with all of my might
i run through the corn, cuz now it is night
and the people at the farm have turned off the lights
i look at my phone but I don’t have service
i scream even louder and start to get nervous
i go missing for days, a search party is called
but they never find my body and the case is unresolved
but I didn’t die, I’m now one with the corn
i embraced the sweet kernels til my body was reborn
now I am a stalk and with any luck
the harvest will be bountiful and I will shucked
but come next fall, at the end of my days
as children wearing sweaters run by in waves
my body will be still but my mind will be crazed
as I scream in total silence:
STAY OUT OF THE MAZE!
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